Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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