I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
