he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
