dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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