how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
