Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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