so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
