is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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