Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
