I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
