i think i have herpe
just one?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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