So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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