Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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