I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
