I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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