you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
