What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.