So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
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so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
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When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.