Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
