at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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