she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
