chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
