I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
the liver wants what the liver wants
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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