The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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