4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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