He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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