Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I cut my penus on the lid.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
