shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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