If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
