The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
