ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
