Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
zippers are such a cool invention
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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