No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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