He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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