I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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