I hope mine doesn't look like that
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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