my mouth tastes like poor choices
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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