You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
