i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
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i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
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So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful