FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located