I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
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Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you