she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.