thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP