Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  "You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB

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  (313): "You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB http://tfl.nu/8qh8
  Replies (4) Good night (847) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  You know you think of me naked too

  (210): View more from Texas

  Not since I found Jesus

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  (360): You know you think of me naked too (210): Not since I found Jesus http://tfl.nu/jext
  Replies (14) Good night (627) Bad night (1359)
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  (510): View more from California

  I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.

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  (510): I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress. http://tfl.nu/szsa
  Replies (75) Good night (2082) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins

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  (412): Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins http://tfl.nu/q4of
  Replies (13) Good night (3213) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.

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  (203): I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious. http://tfl.nu/9dex
  Replies (24) Good night (4270) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.

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  (304): I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language. http://tfl.nu/immq
  Replies (11) Good night (1372) Bad night (3588) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.

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  (207): just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries. http://tfl.nu/mz24
  Replies (3) Good night (3648) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.

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  (416): I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for. http://tfl.nu/1pjy
  Replies (13) Good night (3713) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.

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  (613): New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple. http://tfl.nu/c07n
  Replies (11) Good night (2014) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
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  (646): View more from New York

  I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?

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  (646): I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10? http://tfl.nu/6lgd
  Replies (9) Good night (1510) Bad night (1132) Order T-Shirt
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.

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  (281): Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'. http://tfl.nu/zfmg
  Replies (15) Good night (1216) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Here's my first problem: I'm drunk

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  (517): Here's my first problem: I'm drunk http://tfl.nu/3w5g
  Replies (13) Good night (1859) Bad night (369) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.

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  (704): She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast. http://tfl.nu/wpj9
  Replies (4) Good night (1556) Bad night (448)
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.

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  (787): It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life. http://tfl.nu/p96v
  Replies (1) Good night (444) Bad night (142) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"

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  (608): It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy" http://tfl.nu/jtam
  Replies (0) Good night (501) Bad night (175) Order T-Shirt

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