someone owes me an orgasm
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.