It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
