Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
