i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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