Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
