take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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