Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
