Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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