I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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