I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
People in love make me want to vomit
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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