i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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