i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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