I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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