its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
