HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
