connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
