Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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