cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
