I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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