dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
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Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
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I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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