I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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