We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
