Buhtt sex?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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