We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
