and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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