She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
