I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
